'Retrospect'

Retrospect

by Mr. Joseph M.

Reaching for the light. The sky is high, just do it anyway cause I knew that if I tried, I would make it someday.

And I never gave a f**k about what people thought of me but that just a bit true, cause I always thought of you. And I always thought of what you thought about the things that I do. I only wanted to make you proud, but disappointed you. See I grew up in a place where there was not much space to make it. No I’m not making excuses just the truth we got to face it.

And you said that, “You always knew that I was destined for greatness.” And the truth I could’ve made it if I only had the patience.

But I lacked the focus, Plus I lack the things I notice like him wearing the fliest kicks when all my shits is bogus. Yes, I know that it was wrong to be trying to keep up with the Jones. But I’ve been seeing that their grass been greenest for the longest.

While ours was barren so all those years you thought I wasn’t caring, I want you to know I was just trying to find a way to get our grass to grow.

So I cut class. Something that would’ve probably made you mad. Another check on that long list of disappointments I got to add. My bad, but I’m glad that through it all you showed me Love and I knew that you’d be there when pushes turned to shoves.

Still I couldn’t get enough of a street Life. I know you hated the things I did, the people I hung with cause you have stated on many occasions begging me. Today please just take a seat, but I wouldn’t rest and couldn’t sleep until I was on my feet. So I didn’t listen, now I’m sitting wishing that I did, but the fact of the matter is that a wish ain’t worth the spit that it gives to speak it so I keep it moving right along. Cause a part of being a human being is the being right or wrong.

In “retrospect” I regret the tears that’s in your eye, and I regret all the night and all the times I made you cry. And I apologize for all the selfish lies that I told, and that utter disregard for your feelings that I showed. I was blowed most of the time and half that shit I can’t remember, but I’ll never forget the blow that hit my heart that September.

They told me you were gone, and tho’ I believe I’m being strong. I was weakened cause my thinking went to me being alone.

And man it’s a ride when you ain’t got no one at home. I lost ties with the guy that were my homies they’re all gone.

And it’s unknown if I’ll even make it through another year, and I fear that I’ll slowly lose my sanity up in here. Up in here shit is deep. I toss and turn in my sleep. Fighting demons at every turn but it’s another lesson “Learned.” That hindsight ain’t 20/20 and we REAP what we SOW. So with the strength left in me I’m letting my youth know.

That life is what you make it. So take that Leap of Faith and with time and patience you can take your piece of the cake. I would hate to see my sons make the same mistakes and my daughters still infants and pregnant.  My wife sprung on dope or a hoe, or myself sentenced to life or death row.

Yea I know there is a lot of obstacles in the way. But hey that’s so you can appreciate the better days Okay. Take a look at my life and see clearly where I went and reflect on the places I been.

See all the bridges I burned, contemplate on my mistake and try make better choices from the things I’ve “Learned.” I’ve learned that the devil is a liar and that the road I was on was bound to lead me to eternal fire.

But before I’m gone I wanted to leave this message to my seeds instead of just leaving them alone.

“Retrospect”

An original work written by Mr. Joseph M.